We texted constantly for about five days but then he suddenly stopped. After that it seemed like I always had to initiate the conversations to get a response. It really seemed like he cared so why would he go from talking to be all the time to How to get a guy to stop texting you talking at all? This type of question has been sent to me hundreds of times and I want to write about this to help you and everyone with this type of situation.
And believe it or not, I had a guy send me virtually this same question in hopes that I would discuss it at a speaking engagement. Over the course of the last decade and a half, texting has increasingly become a constant part of waking life. He might be focused on something and have his phone off. Or, yes of course, he might not be all that into you in the first place and be fading away. Currently, the western world views dating as a process of impressing the other person.
Which is foolish on two fronts: The problem with this is that it fixates on you and the guy putting on a sort of performance for each other… and an unsustainable one at that, in most case. Is he losing interest in me? The best way to think of text messages is this: After all, he explicitly said he would! When it comes to relationships, treat your actual physical time together as your quality time.
So as a general rule in relationships, try to keep texting to a minimum and, when you do need to text, your texts will have much more impact. In this day and age, what we really would do well to embrace in our lives is more space …. There used to be moments of space mixed into our days, where we would just have to wait for things. The most sane thing you can do for yourself is to start bringing space into your life as much as possible.
It is within moments of space where we are most able to connect with ourselves and the life within us. Without space, it almost feels as though this constant activity is like a vortex that pulls us into it. We can get caught up in it, thinking about and reacting to the happenings streaming through our smartphone into our head. With the social aspect of social media, we might even find it very heard not to feed into the constant drama of it.
Contrasted against that, we have a whole inner world that, for most people, remains largely unexplored. When people talk about having a relationship with yourself, what does that really mean in the deepest sense?
This is where you recharge your metaphorical batteries… and this is where your partner does as well. Make space a priority. Make your mood a priority. We all need space, although men relate to space and silence in a way that is different in character to the way women seem to relate to having space….
Whether or not the guys you know have men in their lives they can hang out with without being unnecessarily chatty, the vast majority of men could relate to how this is possible. Most women I know would find the thought of sitting in silence with another woman for hours to be incomprehensible and… not much fun.
I would say the same thing for women spending time with other women. There is something to be said for enjoying and accentuating the polarities of your gender in who you spend time with. I say all this because I want to drive home the point that there is much more to having a healthy relationship than being in constant contact with your partner. Do these thoughts every lead to any positive outcome? Living this way comes with a horrible price… the drain increases and becomes more pronounced over time… it affects our mood… and our negative mood radiates outward and affects our relationship negatively.
The punchline here is this: In that space, it will be very easy to see what is needed for the situation.